My alcoholic uncle decides yet again now would be a great time to ruin the family. It’s not fair that since we’re the oldest kids in the family he has to live with us and inconvenience our household. It’s not fair that we have to deal with his issues because he’s not willing to go get help. He’s a grown man, yet thinks it’s perfectly fine not to work, sit in bed all day and drink and waste his life away while making everyone else suffer.
On top of it, I still have my own personal issues that need sorting out. However, I can’t do that because of this crap now. I have no time to think or organize my thoughts so I can do what needs to be done in order to try and move on with my life.
It always happens to me at the worst possible times. One thing starts to get better, something else brings it all down. As usual.
And people wonder why I’m so screwed up and why I’m always sick. Well…the amount of stress I deal with isn’t normal or healthy. Really though, I thoroughly enjoy having to stay home all day because my stomach is all screwed up from stress, nerves and being upset…NOT.
This is why I hate life, this is why I think the thoughts I do about life, this is why I’m never happy.
Every night when I’m laying in bed, millions of different thoughts run through my head. The one that seems to be a reoccurring thought is that I don’t want to wake up. I just pray that I die in my sleep, that I don’t have to wake up and keep living in this nightmare.
My daily thoughts suffocate me. They eat me alive. Nobody has any idea.
I miss you. I hate the way things are. I wish they never got this way.
I hate that the only reason you’re even talking to me now is because of that troll who always tried to weasle into our relationship. But I should’ve realized what was going on back then. How could I have been so dumb…? You never cared about me. You cared about making yourself look good. I put everything on the line and everything I had into us.
It hurts. A lot. And it’s not something I can even explain or begin to describe.
I’ll never be able to let anyone else in. I’ll never trust anyone again. I’ll never be able to love anyone else or fall in love with anyone else.
I pray that God will finally end this pain and suffering.
Typically wish bad things on people I hate….but you? Let’s just say that if you got into a horrible accident of some sort and died, I wouldn’t be sad. Actually I wouldn’t even care. And if I did a nice little happy dance, it may be because I really have to use the bathroom….or not.
Stupid ugly troll cunt, I hate you and everything about your pathetic self.